After years of swinging and being a total party animal I no longer know how to keep my boyfriend interested


DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of swinging and being a total party animal I no longer know how to keep my boyfriend interested. I feel as though my body is really ugly.

I am 34 and my boyfriend is 35. We have been together for 12 years and have a great relationship.

I feel like I don't know how to keep my boyfriend interested
Getty – Contributor

I feel like I don’t know how to keep my boyfriend interested[/caption]

We  used to love a wild time. We’d be out all hours, getting drunk, being loud and raucous.

When it came to our sex life, we liked to explore. My boyfriend would often share me with  his mates,  we’d all enjoy sex together. It gave us all such an adrenalin rush.

We usually started after we’d all been drinking. We’d have sex for hours. They were the wildest,  craziest nights of sex I’d ever had.

We found it really exciting and neither of us got jealous. We would later enjoy talking about what had happened.

I feel like my body is ugly and I want to hide it away
Getty – Contributor

I feel like my body is ugly and I want to hide it away[/caption]

My boyfriend used to get really turned on watching me having sex with one of his mates in particular, a fit, hunky guy. But my boyfriend has always been the man for me and I have never been tempted to stray.

As time went on we began to become more serious about one another and the swinging eventually stopped. We then went on to have two lovely boys who are six and four. We’re happy but my body hasn’t returned to its pre-pregnancy shape and it makes me feel ugly.

My boyfriend hasn’t said anything to make me feel like this but I know that our sex life isn’t as exciting as it used to be. I just want to hide my body away. I don’t know how to keep him interested sexually. What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Sex may have felt wild and reckless back in your swinging days but it was all focused on purely physical sensation and satisfaction.

Your relationship has stood the test of time but that’s because of your deep feelings for one another, not the swinging.

I’m sure your boyfriend’s feelings for you now are linked in with his love and respect for you as his life partner and mother of his children.

I agree you shouldn’t take one another for granted but I reckon he would be horrified to think you’re fretting about your body revealing that you’ve carried and given birth to his boys.

Tell him you’re feeling insecure and need to hear he still desires you.


TOO many people fail to use condoms with a new partner. My e-leaflet Sexual Health Worry explains what to look out for, how to protect yourself and where to get treatment if need be.

  • Email me for a copy or private-message me via Facebook.

Say you want to give your sex life a shake up, but this time without any third parties.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex is full of good ideas for just the two of you.

Try a fun exercise class or go swimming. It will give you an inner boost as well as help you get toned.

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