I ditched my ex and now I’m in love with the man we had a threesome with at swingers’ club

0
16


DEAR DEIDRE: I MET my partner through having a threesome with him and my ex at a swingers’ club. He’s loving and treats me like gold – but I keep spoiling things because I can’t get over my past.

I’m 29 and I was with my ex for eight years. He was 12 years older than me. Not long after we met I told him that I had been sexually abused by my uncle when I was a child.

I met my current partner after having a threesome with him and my ex
Getty – Contributor

I sobbed as I told him and felt all the pain coming back from the past. I hoped he would hug me and make me feel safe, but he slapped me and told me to get over it.

I don’t really know why I stayed but I did. He shoved me and hit me and cheated on me all the time. I self-harmed and stopped seeing my friends. Maybe I thought I deserved what he did.

He got me to go to swinging clubs with him. One night he made a film of us having sex. I later found out that he shared it with some of his mates and that they were all laughing at me.

The longer I stayed, the more I was hating myself. I knew that I had to get free but I’d lost all my faith in myself. Just in time I met somebody else. I was waiting in a pub for my boyfriend — who then texted to say that he wasn’t coming, he was meeting a mate instead.

We’re getting on really well but I’m just worried I’ll push him away
Getty – Contributor

I thought I would at least finish my drink when the man standing next to me turned around and smiled. It was a guy we’d been with in a swinging club.

He’s 32. We started to chat and to laugh and spent the evening together. He came round the next day when my boyfriend was at work. It was wonderful, both the sex and the talking.

We’re now a couple and I’m deeply in love but I’m scared I’ll push him away. My old friends are gone and, apart from my partner, I have no one at all. I’m over my ex but not over the treatment he gave me for years.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so glad that you’re not with your ex any more but I suspect you had low self-esteem long before meeting him.

You need to find new self-belief. If you understand better why you haven’t valued yourself in the past it will help you to grow as a person and love yourself more.


It’s likely that part of the answer at least is to do with that awful abuse you suffered when you were a child.

It isn’t too late to find help and support so you can leave it behind you and know that you carry no blame. Contact NAPAC, the National Association for People Abused in Childhood (napac.org.uk, 0808 801 0331).

It will help you build confidence too if you reach out and make some new friends. Check out meetup.com. I do hope that you will soon feel more secure in yourself.


NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I’ve never had gay feelings but I want to leave my wife for the hot carpenter

READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Max wants Savannah to stop sleeping with other clients


Get in touch with Deidre today

Got a problem?

Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.

https://players.brightcove.net/5067014667001/default_default/index.min.js



LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here