DEAR DEIDRE: SEX was a problem for my wife.
We’ve sorted that but now it’s an issue for me.
We’ve been together for five years and married for two.
Initially, when we tried to have sex her body would clam up and we couldn’t have full sex.
I never forced her as I thought it would make it worse.
Now she’s better but I keep losing my erection.
I’m fine before sex and if she touches me or gives me oral to bring my erection back but, as soon as I attempt intercourse, it fades away again.
I think it’s the expectation from me that she will clam up again and I lose arousal.
I’ve wondered about seeing my doctor to get some pills but I don’t want to be dependent on them.
We’re both 33 and would like to be able to sort this out ourselves.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re a considerate and sensitive lover.
The good thing now is that you know this isn’t a physical problem but it is classic performance anxiety.
Focus on foreplay for a month and “research” all the other ways you can give each other pleasure and satisfaction without having intercourse.
Once it seems less crucial, you won’t feel so pressured.
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When you do get back to having intercourse, if your erection fails, focus on pleasuring on your wife rather than worrying about yourself.
My e-leaflet on Solving Erection Problems explains in more detail.
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