I set up a spy cam in our bedroom and found my wife was using her sex toy daily

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DEAR DEIDRE: I SET up a spy cam in our bedroom last month and found my wife was reading sex books and using her sex toy almost daily.

I just don’t seem to turn her on any longer.

Getty – Contributor

Is set up a spy cam in our bedroom last month and found my wife was using her sex toy almost daily[/caption]

We have been together for 22 years and got into swinging a year after we married. I loved seeing her with other guys and it was an amazing time.

We still get on well during day-to-day life but sex hardly ever happens. I am 44 now, she is 45, and we have sons of 17 and 15.

I still have a very high sex drive. I find my wife extremely sexy but she never seems to want sex these days.

It is always me who starts it. She never comes on to me and I want more.

Getty – Contributor

I found a sex toy in her bedroom drawer and have been keeping an eye on it to see if she has been using it[/caption]

Last month I found a sex toy in her bedroom drawer and have been keeping an eye on it to see if she has been using it.

I looked on her e-reader the other day and she has endless sex fantasy books on there.

That’s what led me to set up the webcam — which was a revelation.

I thought I would try something different to get things going again.

I took her out for a romantic meal but when we got home she just said she was too tired for sex.

Getty – Contributor

Setting up the webcam was a revelation[/caption]

I am now assuming that I don’t turn her on any more and I don’t know what to do. I feel horny all the time.

I want to have sex with her, but she only has sex with me for my sake.

She says she loves me but if it’s left to her, we can go months without sex and it is getting to the point where I’m not sure what to do.

I have had offers of sex from other women but I love my wife so much I don’t want to go that way.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Have you no idea how creepy and perverted your wife is going to find it that you set up a webcam to spy on her?

Yes, your wife should also be taking responsibility for you sharing a mutually satisfying sex life but get rid of that camera now.

It is not solving anything and only fuelling your doubts.

And if your wife ever finds out about it, it would probably spell the end of your sex life altogether – and maybe your marriage.


Tell your wife openly how dismayed you are that she no longer seems to enjoy sex with you.

Promise to stay quiet and not get defensive while she explains what changes you could make that would revive her interest in sex with you.

Maybe you need to spend more time on arousing foreplay, maybe you need to use fantasy more often.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex is specifically aimed to help long-term couples keep the flames alive.


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